So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
