Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
