I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
