he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
