I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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