508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
