before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
