it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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