Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
