Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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