I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
