Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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