Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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