end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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