so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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