a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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