i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
