Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
