i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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