Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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