i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Randomize