mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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