based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
