its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize