So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
