You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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