I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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