im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
People in love make me want to vomit
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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