please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
