Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
