I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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