I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
