idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
