I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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