I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
