last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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