You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
