the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
