I think I won the penis lottery.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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