You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just had sex bonerless
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
