she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
