Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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