Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
