i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
