I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize