I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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