Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize