Where are you?
In a non slutty way
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Michael Bay diarrhea
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
