My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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