I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
