Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
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