OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I enjoy the company of your penis
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