Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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