she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
