I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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