He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
