Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
