currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
