I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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