dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
