I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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