you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
